Ever slipped on your favorite pair of khakis and thought to yourself: “you know, these are great–but I wish they had a high-contrast dick flap to help passerby locate my genitalia?”
Apparently, you’re not the only one. Because some revolutionary designer at GU, sister company to Japanese streetwear brand Uniqlo, has created a pant with exactly this need in mind. The Slim Tapered Color Block Pants are, for the most part, a pretty standard pair of khakis–barring the enormous penis-shaped pocket placed demurely smack-dab in the middle of the crotch. Color Block? More like Color Co…nevermind.
Edit: It turns out the genius designer behind the pants is actually a Brit. They’re the result of GU’s collaboration with famous British designer Kim Jones.
If form = function, then what exact purpose do these pants serve, outside of dick emphasis? According to the Sora News 24, the jury’s still out–the best answer Japanese netizens could come up with was “banana storage.” To be honest, even calling it a pocket is kind of a stretch; it’s more of a buttoned flap. A high-fashion loincloth. But bananas (or other similarly phallic fruits and veg) do seem like the only thing a holster like this could hold. Even then, it looks like it’d be in danger of falling out.
Japanese Twitter was perturbed. “These men’s bottoms, the hell are they,” one user wrote. “Is this design what’s fashionable now? “These pants are embarrassing, and I’m not going to wear them. Is it strange I’m being sensitive? Why change the color there.”
At $9, however, the pants, are a total steal–a sale price that Sora News speculates might mean the pants are turning out to be kind of a hard sell. Go figure. If you want to draw attention to the D without breaking the bank (or any public indecency laws), you can buy the pants here.
And your crotch couture isn’t limited to khakis–they come in several different color combos! Versatility, y’all.